Monday, July 17, 2017

Thirty

I read the other day that Bruce Lee died when he was 32. I know I've read it before but reading it again after turning 30 was a punch in the gut. He accomplished a massive amount in his short life and is still remembered to this day as one of the best to ever do it. On a related note, I also watched a video about Doctor Dre and Eminem meeting for the first time and there was a great saying from a producer who said that race horses wear blinders and run straight because if they try to look left or right, they stumble.
On my walk to the gym this morning I felt a sort of euphoria, I'd describe it as a high more than anything else. I'm not sure what the cause if it was, I had some vitamin d3 and coffee before leaving, and not much else. It's encouraging to find tiny moments like that in the day where you feel exceptionally well, it's not often that they happen and when they do, acknowledge it. Bam was back after a week of training in Venice Beach to further his own learning. We focused on internal and external strength in our chest and shoulders for the most of the day. Our workout was maximum effort chest presses and rope pulls while staying in internal rotation by keeping a kettlebell pushed down into our lower abdominal muscles. I fell apart more on the rope pulling than I did on the chest presses.
It was easy dispelling the sense of urgency in life that I had in the former part of this posting while working out, nothing really makes you feel younger, well.. I guess if the body isn't doing well nothing can make you feel older at as well. I'm thankful my body isn't too damaged. Though as easy as it can be to be in a state of no mind while doing difficult shit, it's these quiet moments that come back haunting me. I have equal parts screaming to figure it out and equal parts screaming it's cool. Though they don't cancel one another out, more like they add up to a singular sense of dread. I don't mean dread in the way it sounds, not really, I mean sense of dread as I have a lot of shit to do and only myself to not allow it to happen. This sense of needing a savior is strong in the human condition. Hundreds of millions of people flock to religion and put their eggs in that basket, God will save them as long as they live a good life they'll have their rewards in eternal heaven.
I am not a patient man. I don't want to wait for my rewards, I want to earn my rewards, I want to tear them from the hands of the universe and sew my own threads of life. It's the only way I know how to really live. Though my lack of patience is not a great thing, I need to take my time and find out what I actually want to do to support my family and loved ones while I keep myself sane and happy.
Study, test results, and repeat. 
In jiujitsu we learned today to force yourself into a more advantageous position. Nathan started class off with a breaking exercise, focusing only on the out breath. Fire breathing is what he called it. The idea is that when you breath in you are nourishing your body, and when you breath out you're expelling the bad. If you only focus on the out breath, and really force it out from your hanna, the muscle under the belly button, you'll eventually get into a rhythm and be able to keep it up for a few minutes. It definitely clears the head, having to focus on just the one thing to be able to complete the movement.  The lesson today so far has been the same in most things - you have to make it happen for you. From work, to life, to love, to jiujitsu, sometimes you have to force things to happen. The balance between that is flowing with the go. We're always moving forward in this dimension so obsessed with time. 

Thirty years to figure out that stagnation leads to death.. I'm just glad that it didn't take longer.

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